A High School Student Speaks Out–I Love School, But It’s Killing Me
Today’s letter is from high school student, Sophia Warren, a 10th grader in Brooklyn, New York.
I Love School, But It’s Killing Me
by Sophia Warren
Dear Sara,
My name’s Sophia Warren (we’ve met before a few times now). I’m a sophomore currently at Packer in Brooklyn Heights, NY. Packer is a school that prides itself on the gifted children that attend it and the rigorous academics that they offer. For years I have spent hours on homework. Beginning in the second grade, I sat through standarized tests, I worked on handwriting, and filled out math work book after math work book.
When I was in the fourth grade, each student was assigned an “independent study project.” Most kids were told that they would be working on spelling, logic problems, etc. I was told that I would be writing a novel, working at least a half an hour on it every night plus completing my other homework. At first I was in love with the idea, happy to be exempt from spelling, but it soon took a turn and I found myself miserable and with writer’s block. I was just nine years old and I came home everyday, sat down, stared at my paper, and spent the next hour crying out of frustration. My mom had no idea what to do with me. She finally spoke to my teacher and said that although I had not been writing anything, I had in fact been thinking about the story. He said that my think was not work and that I would not be allowed to go outside the next day during recess and that I would have to work while everyone else had “free time” in the classroom. I spent four months of fourth grade sitting in the classroom at a desk and working while everyone else was permitted to have fun and run around. It did not seem fair to me and it still doesn’t. The finished product kept me up until almost five in the morning. The story was over 160 pages at completion.
I have always wanted to be a writer, but that assignment killed my love of writing for over a year. I figured that if it was that painful to write, I did not want to.
At the present, I spend over six hours on homework a night. It is only just
the beginning of the year and I have already realized that my social life will have to wait until the summer. Almost all of my friends are outside of my school and having six hours of homework a night gives me absolutely no time to see them whatsoever. I go out Saturday nights and work continuously all day on Sunday. I never get more than six hours of sleep a night. I have accepted already that this year I will have little fun, see my family rarely, never spend time with them, not see my friends as much as I would like, and not have nearly enough time to do the things I like. I love music. I’ve played the cello for years now and I’ve recently quit orchestra because I just didn’t have time for it. It was taking up free periods that I needed to complete assignments in. I also love to go the concerts, I love live music, I love booking shows, and I love being part of a community that revolves around excellent music. I find that internships I once had and loved now need to be discarded. I hate that things I enjoyed doing in the summer need to be shoved to the back of my closet until a year from now.
The saddest thing about all of this is that I truly love school. I really love it, but it’s killing me. I’m actually physically uncomfortable right now, my coloring is off, and I’ve already gotten the cold that I will have for the rest of the year. My immune system is already falling apart and I find myself drinking Emergen-C every morning just to keep me alive through the week.
Today I auditioned for the play. Rehearsals run for about four hours a day. I would get home at around seven-thirty every evening and then sit down to do all of my homework. Even the director doesn’t understand. She’s planned a tech rehearsal on Halloween! It’s a holiday! It’s a time to have fun! I put on my schedule that I cannot go to that and that I will not go to rehearsal on Fridays.
It’s healthy to have fun, is it not? It’s not fair that I don’t have time to read, draw, play the cello, see my friends, have dinner with my little brother, or go to the movies with my mom. I live in New York City. I want to submerge myself in its culture and learn from that and instead I spend everyday sitting in my room, slaving away.
A perfect example of the toll homework is taking on my life (and it’s only the second week of school!): Last night I sat down to do my French homework. French is one of my favorite subjects and I assumed the work would pass quickly. Turns out that I had to look up twenty-five vocabulary words, write sentences for each of them, and then write twelve sentences about the girl who sits next to me. I quickly realized that the work was going to take me a very long time. I begin to work and along comes my brother. He’s in the eighth grade, also at Packer. He’s also working on French homework. He’s struggling through his work as well and he keeps asking me questions. This is the saddest thing; we end up fighting! He gets upset because I tell him that I don’t have time to help him and to please stop talking to me and I get angry because he’s upset. I start to feel bad and five minutes later we’re both yelling at each other. My mom comes upstairs and we’re yelling and she starts yelling and my dad comes home from work and everyone’s upset. It puts him in a bad mood and the next thing you know, everyone is angry at one another all because of frustration about homework. I really wish this wasn’t the case.
I’m reading your book right now (there’s no telling how long it will take me though with this much work to do). I hope that I can just explain to my teachers. My teachers are always pretending that they’re conscious of the homework problems but they have the nerve to blame it on time management skills. They blame it on me! I am a fast worker and it takes me six hours. A boy told me just today that his history homework alone took him almost three hours last night.
I don’t want to hate school or learning, but everytime I say anything it is dismissed as irrational and an exaggeration. My teachers just don’t get it. I really wish they did because I find myself counting down the days until winter break already. I don’t have time to do anything I want to do. It makes me cringe to think about junior year and college pressure and the SATs. I have enough on my plate right now. My English teacher just gave us a list of TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY vocabulary words. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY. That’s insane. We’ll be tested on it at the end of the year to help us for the SATs. High school has been a horror so far. I hear it gets worse. It makes me not want to go to college, which is really sad. I wish my mom would homeschool me, but not all parents have time for that or are qualified to do that. I wish there was somewhere that let me do things I love. I think I am a smart person- not to boast or anything, but I really do think that I’m smart and hardworking. I’m a straight A student and I pride myself in that, but the kids who don’t do homework always talk about what they did after school.
My A is costing me my social life.
Thanks for voicing your opinion on homework. I wish there were more people ready to stand up for both children and parents.
If this isn’t a violation of some kind of child labor, or labor, laws, then we have to rewrite the laws. This sounds almost criminal to me. Sophia, my heart goes out to you. Do you think you would be able to give a copy of your letter to every teacher and manager of your school without retribution? It sounds like homework is seriously affecting your health.
I am a mother of a 7-yr-old who gets 45 minutes of homework a night. I am fighting for no homework (or seriously less homework) now to try to influence the system and assuage the amount he will get in middle or high school. Here’s hoping!
Harris Cooper’s studies showed that, after 2 1/2 hours of homework a night for High School students, returns diminished (ie scores got worse, not better). Maybe worth looking up that information up for your teachers (I’ll try to send you something).
I wish you loads of luck. Keep checking this web site. It is full of great information, ideas and inspiration.
In solidarity …
Diane
September 26th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
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Diane wrote:
If this isn’t a violation of some kind of child labor, or labor, laws, then we have to rewrite the laws. This sounds almost criminal to me. Sophia, my heart goes out to you. Do you think you would be able to give a copy of your letter to every teacher and manager of your school without retribution? It sounds like homework is seriously affecting your health.
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Diane, thank you. Because we are in the same boat. My daughter’s homework life mirrors this young woman’s. It is criminal. It is absolute child abuse.
If you staff, they deny that students are very seriously sleep deprived, many depressed and tell you your child just has to time manage better, see a coach or counselor and not be such a perfectionist.
LBJ
September 26th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
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This is a painful reminder of my sophomore year! I had the same experiences and I promise you Junior year IS better! You are going to have to make the choice between sacrificing your advanced classes or your peaceful well-being. That choice was hard for me because I love to learn and have to take all the AP and Honors classes available.
It took me awhile but I decided I would be happy with an A in regular classes or B in AP classes as long as I feel good mentally.
I am so glad you found an outlet by posting this blog and you need to be vocal in your school too! Teachers do not get settle hints let alone smacks on the face. If need be get your parents to have a meeting with the teachers or principle.
PLEASE check out my web site and email me if you want to talk about it. I would love to put this on my web site too if you don’t mind. It’s great that you found Sara Bennett. She has been working with me so well and will help you in anyway possible. It is people like you who I would LOVE to get involved with my web site. Stuntthestress.com
I promise there is a way to make things better!
September 27th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
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I agree with this
when i began reading, assigned reading hours and the such made an activity i have after a few years come to love seem like tourture
adults today, for the most part, complain that children do not exercise, play, etc.etc., yet i find that the real reason is that kids are too afraid to commit their time because of homework and projects which take up so much of their time
i used to go to an inter-city school, before my town built it’s own (though i sometimes find this true even now), that some teachers, especially math teachers hardly taught at all; they would use homework to force students to teach themselves, spending class time going over the homework, maby giving some notes, and then giving more homework for the following day.
also, when young children are given lots of homework in elementary and middle school, they burn out under the stress; i could see it happening to myself. This leads to risky behavior and underacheivement in high school and beyond. high school is supposed too be “the best par of your life”, but students are also pretty much told that the only way to have a sucessful future is to just work all through high school to get into collage. according to my tachers, the weekend is just extra time to get extra homework done.
about this specific case; there is definitely somthing that at least borders on child abuse. This type of mental abuse should not exist, especially in schools that are supposed to nurture young children.
also, homework wastes countless peices of paper daily
thank you for reading
September 28th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
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i just wanted to thank everyone for leaving such thoughtful comments. right now i’m working on getting a group of other students together to approach the administration of the school. I have to remind myself that there is no promise of success in my conquest.
I want to just print out some studies, do some research, and give it to a teacher. They won’t be able to deny that homework is not the answer.
As Erin was saying, some teachers don’t do anything. My history teacher does nothing. She pretty much makes us summarize the twenty pages of reading we had for homework and then assigns more. We spend the majority of class doing nothing, but sitting and just doing mindless work. There is no point in this work. It is completely non-beneficial.
I just go to one of those schools where homework is such a widespread idea. I mean they give A LOT of homework and I feel it would be very hard for them to stop. Nonetheless, I feel they need to at least re-adjust the homework load.
Also Alexandra, I find your blog fascinating and interesting. I’d love to talk to you further.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:42 am
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Wow. You just described the life of my 17 year old…(a senior in public school). Just keep telling yourself….only a couple more years, (taking college into consideration)…and then you’re learning will be in your hands for the rest of your life…I don’t know how my 17 year old does it.
And the tension in our house increases by 100% (very calm during the day, just my homeschooled 8 year old and I) when my 15 and 17 year old come home.. I can’t believe the homework they have…and everyone gets crabby and yelling and it’s just horrible sometimes..I really wish they didn’t have that pressure…
A nudge towards homeschooling my 8 year old came through her getting homework IN KINDERGARTEN! At six years old! Reading, writing words - what happened to the alphabet and playtime? And it was like an hour a day and she was sooo miserable. I’ve homeschooled her since. She’s a very happy child. (She was extremely happy before school - her personality did a complete turnaround the year she was in school - crying - nightmares - all kinds of stuf…). So glad I homeschool her. Best thing I ever did.
Anyhow, my heart goes out to you. Just keep saying..only a couple more years..only a couple more years! Then you’ll be able to create your own life!
October 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
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ugh..I didn’t proof before I posted..I’m really not a spelling idiot…(in fact I write for a living..well, kind of living..) I know you’re is supposed to be your and whatever else is in there! (I have a habit of being apostrophe happy when I’m typing what I’m thinking!) And I’m too lazy to capitalize my “I’s” all the time…hmm…maybe my writing is too “I” centric!
October 5th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
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fivekitten, you get five lashes for your grammar lapse. Just kidding! I LOVED your post.Don’t worry about your mistake, we all make them. Even me, an unrepentent “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves” person.
I also homeschooled, for one year, and my biggest regret is that I didn’t start sooner. If there’s one positive light shining here, it is the legions of people now abandoning school for homeschooling. If you can do it, omeschooling is the best, the true answer because you call the shots and you tailor a program (be it school at home or unschooling or anything in between) uniquely suited to your child’s needs. If you can homeschool, put your energies into that rather than fighting with the school. The time it takes to write a letter or schedule a meeting, you could be researching curriculum and homeschool support groups. But do write that letter and schedule that meeting when you leave.
Not a day goes by that I don’t wince over what I didn’t do. My best advice: don’t grimace and grin and bear it, espeically if your children are young. Don’t throw away their childhood. Consider homeschooling. If your child loves to learn, that’s the best prescription. Your child can read to her heart’s delight, you can go to museums all you want and your child gets maximum sleep. What on earth could be better?
LBJ
October 5th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
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As a 17 year-old Junior in High School I have quickly realized that I will not have a childhood to look back on with euphoria. I have hours of homework per night, multiple tests per week, and multiple projects and reading assignments per month. All of this work leaves me with no life. I love to read. I can enjoy the simple pleasure of reading the books I want to read, because I have too much school work. I cannot go have fun with my friends because I have too much school work. School has stripped me of my childhood, and the worst thing is that teachers don’t give a damn, because it’s just a job to them and the way they earn their money. I yearn for moments where I can just lay down and relax, and not have to stress about school. We spend approximately 10 years of re-callable childhood years. We spend the next 70 or so years being adults, never again to have the joy of being youthful. School is taking away that joy for me, and I no longer have a work ethic or an eagerness to learn. School has ruined my childhood.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:06 am
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Please understand that, to some extent, the “homework complaint” is the complaint of the privileged few. Many parents are fighting for school materials, crime-free environments, and for teachers who will work to help their children to realize their potential. In some cases, parents are just hoping that their children will be able to read when they leave school and that when they leave, they will have a diploma in their hands rather than a baby.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
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I love you, Miss Bird.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
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Hi,
I wanted to make sure that you did not perceive my comment as dismissive. I know how much homework sucks.
I see how hard you work. I am very proud of you for all that you accomplish in school and out of school and, most of all, for your integrity and sense of decency, the respect that you show to others and for your honest and beautiful heart.
I want you to know that I do not view this situation as ideal. I wrote a letter to Carol Britton two years ago and incrementally have fought the fight. I want you to know that I love you very much and I do believe that you will benefit from this. I have chosen this route because I want as many doors to be open to you as possible. This is the system that we have. We can fight to change it, and we should. But I do believe that we have to beat them at their own game.
When I was young, teachers scarcely encouraged girls. We had courses in cooking and sewing in high school! I don’t mean to sound preachy but I will tell you that the real world and the injustices of the workplace make this look like child’s play.
One day you will remember these years as the easy ones. I’m sure that is hard to believe.
I recognize the sacrifices that you have made and continue to make and I admire your commitment to school. You have an incredible work ethic and have learned the value of education. Above all, hopefully, you have a love of learning as well.
I am not blind to the pitfalls of the private school model. It is, in part, why you have the social life that you do. It is why you have so many mental health days, extended curfews and the freedom that you enjoy. The number of absences that I allow should offer a glimpse into my irreverence for “the system”. You know that I am not a homework zealot. You have my complete support in any effort to minimize your homework load, to the extent that it is possible.
I know that it is flawed. I cannot change the system overnight. If I could, I would. This is, in my opinion, the best that I can offer you. You have been provided an educational opportunity that few kids in this country or world will ever receive. You and your friends will go on to do great things, to lead the world, to change the world.
I hope that one day you will understand why this is the imperfect choice that I have made for you.
I love you very much.
Mommy
October 17th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
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