Stop Homework

Beth Harpaz, a writer in my neighborhood, has a very funny new book, 13 is the New 18: And other things my children taught me while I was having a nervous breakdown being their mother. Not surprisingly, she talks about her trials and tribulations with homework. Happily, she doesn’t cave in to the school’s request that she log into the school’s web site every night, download her son’s homework, and made sure he does it.

I had thought that they do not like so-called “helicopter mommies” who hover over their darling’s every misstep and try to fix it. I had naively been led to believe that it was better, at this age, to let your kid figure out how to solve his own problems, or allow him to suffer the consequences, rather than intervene and solve his problems for him.”

Besides, she writes,

I already went to ninth grade. And when I was in ninth grade, I did all my homework. And my mother didn’t even have to check it for me. I really just don’t feel like it’s fair to make anyone on this earth responsible for ninth grade more than once in a lifetime.

Like every parent, Harpaz genuinely want her son to do well in school; she just doesn’t want him “doing the homework solely to avoid getting hassled by me.” Eventually she asks other parents for advice, and finally takes solace in a story from a mother of a brilliant boy who couldn’t cope with school, ended up getting a GED, and later on lands a job with a high-tech firm.

That mother had sought help from a therapist who told her

t was not the parents’ job to serve as rules enforcer for the school. Yes, you can help with homework if they ask; you can create a schedule that sets aside a reasonable amount of time each day to do homework, but you are not the homework policeman … If they don’t do their schoolwork, they have to deal with the consequences, even if the consequences mean failure.

Harpaz says the other mother also told her that what is the parents’ job is

to make sure that kids grow up to be decent, independent, fully functioning human beings. So simple, and yet so overwhelming. It’s actually easier to be the homework policeman than to play Pygmalion and shape a soulless lump of clay into a good person.

(Copyright Beth Harpaz. From 13 is the New 18: And other things my children taught me while I was having a nervous breakdown being their mother. Her blog is 13isthenew18.com)

Sara,

Wow! Where was this movement to stop homework when my daughter was in school? She’s nearly 20 now but homework made our lives hell for 12 years.

From the time she was in first grade, she was barraged with ridiculous amounts of homework every single night and on vacations, too. She had so much homework in elementary school that she could barely carry her book bag. Today, she has back problems that I attribute directly to carrying a book bag that weighed nearly as much as she did.

In order for her to complete her assignments, we were left with no family time at all. I felt she was being assigned too much. But when I voiced my concern, I was made to feel like a lousy (or lazy) parent. The school assured me that they were right and this was the only way our kids could be competitive in the world.

So, I tried it their way. And my daughter and I were at war over homework for years. When she became overwhelmed, she simply stopped trying. The result was a GPA that barely allowed her to graduate high school and precluded her from attending any college other than the local community college.

I am still so angry at the local school district. Their ridiculous policies damaged my daughter and damaged our relationship. They should be ashamed.

Denise Hills, a geologist, and her husband, a college geology professor, live in Tuscaloosa, AL with their two children, a kindergartner and a two-year-old. The kindergartner, who goes to the local public school, gets no recess. Denise recently wrote the following letter to the school and told me that, “after tackling recess, I plan on going after the homework policy. Right now, we have a very understanding teacher so it hasn’t been much of an immediate issue. I expect that to change next year, so am gearing up for that.” So far, Denise hasn’t heard back from the school.

My Kindergartner Needs Recess
by Denise Hills

Dear Principal/School Board,

My son is in kindergarten at School. It has come to my attention that they have no recess period during the day. While I understand that, according to standards, they are only required to have PE OR recess everyday, I want to urge you to reconsider reinstating a recess period in addition to PE.

Recess (unstructured time) is important for many reasons. Childhood obesity rates are on the rise, and more physical movement during the day could help reduce that. Recess holds other physical, social, and even academic benefits for children.

Physical activity and UNSTRUCTURED play time not only provides physical health benefits but mental health benefits as well. As an adult often feels emotionally more balanced after exercise, children feel the same. Also, recess gives children an outlet for their natural urge for exuberant play. With an allowed time for this, children are generally calmer and more focused on their academics in the classroom.

Recess also allows for development of interpersonal skills that lead to cooperating, helping, sharing, and problem solving, including conflict resolution. These are not things that just magically appear in children as they get older; they need to learn them through unstructured play. By eliminating recess, we eliminate a vital aspect of our children’s social development.

I understand that recess has been eliminated to make more time for “academics.” However, studies have shown that kids who have recess have higher learning and test scores. Physical exercise enhances brain function. Students who spend more of their school day engaging in physical activity perform better academically than those who spend more time in instruction.

Recess has far too many benefits to be considered optional. I urge you to reconsider your standards, instituting both a PE and recess requirement for younger grades.

For more information please read the enclosed article.