Today’s letter is from high school student, Sophia Warren, a 10th grader in Brooklyn, New York.
I Love School, But It’s Killing Me
by Sophia Warren
Dear Sara,
My name’s Sophia Warren (we’ve met before a few times now). I’m a sophomore currently at Packer in Brooklyn Heights, NY. Packer is a school that prides itself on the gifted children that attend it and the rigorous academics that they offer. For years I have spent hours on homework. Beginning in the second grade, I sat through standarized tests, I worked on handwriting, and filled out math work book after math work book.
When I was in the fourth grade, each student was assigned an “independent study project.” Most kids were told that they would be working on spelling, logic problems, etc. I was told that I would be writing a novel, working at least a half an hour on it every night plus completing my other homework. At first I was in love with the idea, happy to be exempt from spelling, but it soon took a turn and I found myself miserable and with writer’s block. I was just nine years old and I came home everyday, sat down, stared at my paper, and spent the next hour crying out of frustration. My mom had no idea what to do with me. She finally spoke to my teacher and said that although I had not been writing anything, I had in fact been thinking about the story. He said that my think was not work and that I would not be allowed to go outside the next day during recess and that I would have to work while everyone else had “free time” in the classroom. I spent four months of fourth grade sitting in the classroom at a desk and working while everyone else was permitted to have fun and run around. It did not seem fair to me and it still doesn’t. The finished product kept me up until almost five in the morning. The story was over 160 pages at completion.
I have always wanted to be a writer, but that assignment killed my love of writing for over a year. I figured that if it was that painful to write, I did not want to.
At the present, I spend over six hours on homework a night. It is only just
the beginning of the year and I have already realized that my social life will have to wait until the summer. Almost all of my friends are outside of my school and having six hours of homework a night gives me absolutely no time to see them whatsoever. I go out Saturday nights and work continuously all day on Sunday. I never get more than six hours of sleep a night. I have accepted already that this year I will have little fun, see my family rarely, never spend time with them, not see my friends as much as I would like, and not have nearly enough time to do the things I like. I love music. I’ve played the cello for years now and I’ve recently quit orchestra because I just didn’t have time for it. It was taking up free periods that I needed to complete assignments in. I also love to go the concerts, I love live music, I love booking shows, and I love being part of a community that revolves around excellent music. I find that internships I once had and loved now need to be discarded. I hate that things I enjoyed doing in the summer need to be shoved to the back of my closet until a year from now.
The saddest thing about all of this is that I truly love school. I really love it, but it’s killing me. I’m actually physically uncomfortable right now, my coloring is off, and I’ve already gotten the cold that I will have for the rest of the year. My immune system is already falling apart and I find myself drinking Emergen-C every morning just to keep me alive through the week.
Today I auditioned for the play. Rehearsals run for about four hours a day. I would get home at around seven-thirty every evening and then sit down to do all of my homework. Even the director doesn’t understand. She’s planned a tech rehearsal on Halloween! It’s a holiday! It’s a time to have fun! I put on my schedule that I cannot go to that and that I will not go to rehearsal on Fridays.
It’s healthy to have fun, is it not? It’s not fair that I don’t have time to read, draw, play the cello, see my friends, have dinner with my little brother, or go to the movies with my mom. I live in New York City. I want to submerge myself in its culture and learn from that and instead I spend everyday sitting in my room, slaving away.
A perfect example of the toll homework is taking on my life (and it’s only the second week of school!): Last night I sat down to do my French homework. French is one of my favorite subjects and I assumed the work would pass quickly. Turns out that I had to look up twenty-five vocabulary words, write sentences for each of them, and then write twelve sentences about the girl who sits next to me. I quickly realized that the work was going to take me a very long time. I begin to work and along comes my brother. He’s in the eighth grade, also at Packer. He’s also working on French homework. He’s struggling through his work as well and he keeps asking me questions. This is the saddest thing; we end up fighting! He gets upset because I tell him that I don’t have time to help him and to please stop talking to me and I get angry because he’s upset. I start to feel bad and five minutes later we’re both yelling at each other. My mom comes upstairs and we’re yelling and she starts yelling and my dad comes home from work and everyone’s upset. It puts him in a bad mood and the next thing you know, everyone is angry at one another all because of frustration about homework. I really wish this wasn’t the case.
I’m reading your book right now (there’s no telling how long it will take me though with this much work to do). I hope that I can just explain to my teachers. My teachers are always pretending that they’re conscious of the homework problems but they have the nerve to blame it on time management skills. They blame it on me! I am a fast worker and it takes me six hours. A boy told me just today that his history homework alone took him almost three hours last night.
I don’t want to hate school or learning, but everytime I say anything it is dismissed as irrational and an exaggeration. My teachers just don’t get it. I really wish they did because I find myself counting down the days until winter break already. I don’t have time to do anything I want to do. It makes me cringe to think about junior year and college pressure and the SATs. I have enough on my plate right now. My English teacher just gave us a list of TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY vocabulary words. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY. That’s insane. We’ll be tested on it at the end of the year to help us for the SATs. High school has been a horror so far. I hear it gets worse. It makes me not want to go to college, which is really sad. I wish my mom would homeschool me, but not all parents have time for that or are qualified to do that. I wish there was somewhere that let me do things I love. I think I am a smart person- not to boast or anything, but I really do think that I’m smart and hardworking. I’m a straight A student and I pride myself in that, but the kids who don’t do homework always talk about what they did after school.
My A is costing me my social life.
Thanks for voicing your opinion on homework. I wish there were more people ready to stand up for both children and parents.
Stop Homework 
If this isn’t a violation of some kind of child labor, or labor, laws, then we have to rewrite the laws. This sounds almost criminal to me. Sophia, my heart goes out to you. Do you think you would be able to give a copy of your letter to every teacher and manager of your school without retribution? It sounds like homework is seriously affecting your health.
I am a mother of a 7-yr-old who gets 45 minutes of homework a night. I am fighting for no homework (or seriously less homework) now to try to influence the system and assuage the amount he will get in middle or high school. Here’s hoping!
Harris Cooper’s studies showed that, after 2 1/2 hours of homework a night for High School students, returns diminished (ie scores got worse, not better). Maybe worth looking up that information up for your teachers (I’ll try to send you something).
I wish you loads of luck. Keep checking this web site. It is full of great information, ideas and inspiration.
In solidarity …
Diane
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Diane wrote:
If this isn’t a violation of some kind of child labor, or labor, laws, then we have to rewrite the laws. This sounds almost criminal to me. Sophia, my heart goes out to you. Do you think you would be able to give a copy of your letter to every teacher and manager of your school without retribution? It sounds like homework is seriously affecting your health.
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Diane, thank you. Because we are in the same boat. My daughter’s homework life mirrors this young woman’s. It is criminal. It is absolute child abuse.
If you staff, they deny that students are very seriously sleep deprived, many depressed and tell you your child just has to time manage better, see a coach or counselor and not be such a perfectionist.
LBJ
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This is a painful reminder of my sophomore year! I had the same experiences and I promise you Junior year IS better! You are going to have to make the choice between sacrificing your advanced classes or your peaceful well-being. That choice was hard for me because I love to learn and have to take all the AP and Honors classes available.
It took me awhile but I decided I would be happy with an A in regular classes or B in AP classes as long as I feel good mentally.
I am so glad you found an outlet by posting this blog and you need to be vocal in your school too! Teachers do not get settle hints let alone smacks on the face. If need be get your parents to have a meeting with the teachers or principle.
PLEASE check out my web site and email me if you want to talk about it. I would love to put this on my web site too if you don’t mind. It’s great that you found Sara Bennett. She has been working with me so well and will help you in anyway possible. It is people like you who I would LOVE to get involved with my web site. Stuntthestress.com
I promise there is a way to make things better!
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I agree with this
when i began reading, assigned reading hours and the such made an activity i have after a few years come to love seem like tourture
adults today, for the most part, complain that children do not exercise, play, etc.etc., yet i find that the real reason is that kids are too afraid to commit their time because of homework and projects which take up so much of their time
i used to go to an inter-city school, before my town built it’s own (though i sometimes find this true even now), that some teachers, especially math teachers hardly taught at all; they would use homework to force students to teach themselves, spending class time going over the homework, maby giving some notes, and then giving more homework for the following day.
also, when young children are given lots of homework in elementary and middle school, they burn out under the stress; i could see it happening to myself. This leads to risky behavior and underacheivement in high school and beyond. high school is supposed too be “the best par of your life”, but students are also pretty much told that the only way to have a sucessful future is to just work all through high school to get into collage. according to my tachers, the weekend is just extra time to get extra homework done.
about this specific case; there is definitely somthing that at least borders on child abuse. This type of mental abuse should not exist, especially in schools that are supposed to nurture young children.
also, homework wastes countless peices of paper daily
thank you for reading
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i just wanted to thank everyone for leaving such thoughtful comments. right now i’m working on getting a group of other students together to approach the administration of the school. I have to remind myself that there is no promise of success in my conquest.
I want to just print out some studies, do some research, and give it to a teacher. They won’t be able to deny that homework is not the answer.
As Erin was saying, some teachers don’t do anything. My history teacher does nothing. She pretty much makes us summarize the twenty pages of reading we had for homework and then assigns more. We spend the majority of class doing nothing, but sitting and just doing mindless work. There is no point in this work. It is completely non-beneficial.
I just go to one of those schools where homework is such a widespread idea. I mean they give A LOT of homework and I feel it would be very hard for them to stop. Nonetheless, I feel they need to at least re-adjust the homework load.
Also Alexandra, I find your blog fascinating and interesting. I’d love to talk to you further.
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Wow. You just described the life of my 17 year old…(a senior in public school). Just keep telling yourself….only a couple more years, (taking college into consideration)…and then you’re learning will be in your hands for the rest of your life…I don’t know how my 17 year old does it.
And the tension in our house increases by 100% (very calm during the day, just my homeschooled 8 year old and I) when my 15 and 17 year old come home.. I can’t believe the homework they have…and everyone gets crabby and yelling and it’s just horrible sometimes..I really wish they didn’t have that pressure…
A nudge towards homeschooling my 8 year old came through her getting homework IN KINDERGARTEN! At six years old! Reading, writing words – what happened to the alphabet and playtime? And it was like an hour a day and she was sooo miserable. I’ve homeschooled her since. She’s a very happy child. (She was extremely happy before school – her personality did a complete turnaround the year she was in school – crying – nightmares – all kinds of stuf…). So glad I homeschool her. Best thing I ever did.
Anyhow, my heart goes out to you. Just keep saying..only a couple more years..only a couple more years! Then you’ll be able to create your own life!
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ugh..I didn’t proof before I posted..I’m really not a spelling idiot…(in fact I write for a living..well, kind of living..) I know you’re is supposed to be your and whatever else is in there! (I have a habit of being apostrophe happy when I’m typing what I’m thinking!) And I’m too lazy to capitalize my “I’s” all the time…hmm…maybe my writing is too “I” centric!
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fivekitten, you get five lashes for your grammar lapse. Just kidding! I LOVED your post.Don’t worry about your mistake, we all make them. Even me, an unrepentent “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves” person.
I also homeschooled, for one year, and my biggest regret is that I didn’t start sooner. If there’s one positive light shining here, it is the legions of people now abandoning school for homeschooling. If you can do it, omeschooling is the best, the true answer because you call the shots and you tailor a program (be it school at home or unschooling or anything in between) uniquely suited to your child’s needs. If you can homeschool, put your energies into that rather than fighting with the school. The time it takes to write a letter or schedule a meeting, you could be researching curriculum and homeschool support groups. But do write that letter and schedule that meeting when you leave.
Not a day goes by that I don’t wince over what I didn’t do. My best advice: don’t grimace and grin and bear it, espeically if your children are young. Don’t throw away their childhood. Consider homeschooling. If your child loves to learn, that’s the best prescription. Your child can read to her heart’s delight, you can go to museums all you want and your child gets maximum sleep. What on earth could be better?
LBJ
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As a 17 year-old Junior in High School I have quickly realized that I will not have a childhood to look back on with euphoria. I have hours of homework per night, multiple tests per week, and multiple projects and reading assignments per month. All of this work leaves me with no life. I love to read. I can enjoy the simple pleasure of reading the books I want to read, because I have too much school work. I cannot go have fun with my friends because I have too much school work. School has stripped me of my childhood, and the worst thing is that teachers don’t give a damn, because it’s just a job to them and the way they earn their money. I yearn for moments where I can just lay down and relax, and not have to stress about school. We spend approximately 10 years of re-callable childhood years. We spend the next 70 or so years being adults, never again to have the joy of being youthful. School is taking away that joy for me, and I no longer have a work ethic or an eagerness to learn. School has ruined my childhood.
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Please understand that, to some extent, the “homework complaint” is the complaint of the privileged few. Many parents are fighting for school materials, crime-free environments, and for teachers who will work to help their children to realize their potential. In some cases, parents are just hoping that their children will be able to read when they leave school and that when they leave, they will have a diploma in their hands rather than a baby.
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I love you, Miss Bird.
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Hi,
I wanted to make sure that you did not perceive my comment as dismissive. I know how much homework sucks.
I see how hard you work. I am very proud of you for all that you accomplish in school and out of school and, most of all, for your integrity and sense of decency, the respect that you show to others and for your honest and beautiful heart.
I want you to know that I do not view this situation as ideal. I wrote a letter to Carol Britton two years ago and incrementally have fought the fight. I want you to know that I love you very much and I do believe that you will benefit from this. I have chosen this route because I want as many doors to be open to you as possible. This is the system that we have. We can fight to change it, and we should. But I do believe that we have to beat them at their own game.
When I was young, teachers scarcely encouraged girls. We had courses in cooking and sewing in high school! I don’t mean to sound preachy but I will tell you that the real world and the injustices of the workplace make this look like child’s play.
One day you will remember these years as the easy ones. I’m sure that is hard to believe.
I recognize the sacrifices that you have made and continue to make and I admire your commitment to school. You have an incredible work ethic and have learned the value of education. Above all, hopefully, you have a love of learning as well.
I am not blind to the pitfalls of the private school model. It is, in part, why you have the social life that you do. It is why you have so many mental health days, extended curfews and the freedom that you enjoy. The number of absences that I allow should offer a glimpse into my irreverence for “the system”. You know that I am not a homework zealot. You have my complete support in any effort to minimize your homework load, to the extent that it is possible.
I know that it is flawed. I cannot change the system overnight. If I could, I would. This is, in my opinion, the best that I can offer you. You have been provided an educational opportunity that few kids in this country or world will ever receive. You and your friends will go on to do great things, to lead the world, to change the world.
I hope that one day you will understand why this is the imperfect choice that I have made for you.
I love you very much.
Mommy
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Teachers are doing what they believe they need to do in order for us to learn.
A lot of the problem is the students. I’m sure that if you were satisfied with B’s and occasional C’s, your homework load would be much less.
I’m reading the slave narrative of Frederick Douglass right now. As a young child, he used to trade bread for reading lessons during his rare playtime hours.
I am a junior, taking all advanced classes, and feeling the stress of a large workload. We are so lucky to live in a country and a time when we can receive such an incredible education. In many countries across the globe, the average education is fifth grade. After that, it becomes obsolete, because jobs aren’t available anyways.
I’m sorry. I feel for you, I really do. It just infuriates me to hear so many privileged people complaining about their many opportunities.
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I hear ya. I’m also in grade 10 and I can truly say that homework is seriously affecting my health. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I have absolutely no social life after school and I pretty much never get to do the things I love anymore. Almost every night I’m stuck with hours upon hours of homework. Some nights I can have up to 10 hours of homework!! On more than one occasion I’ve been up to six o’clock in the morning doing homework. It takes me forever because I’m an extreme perfectionist, I have trouble concentrating, have a hard time with writer’s block and for the most part just want good grades. But really, is good grades really worth my sanity? Almost everyday now I find myself crying over my homework. I used to be a cheerful, happy, optimistic person who always laughed, but now it seems I have nothing to look forward to. I get up at six, go to school for six hours and then end up with seven hours or more of homework. It’s making me miserable and I’m finding myself more impatient with everyone around me because of it. I’ve been having severe nervous breakdowns and I even get physically sick. If I spend one moment doing something I love, I can’t even enjoy it because I know in the back of my mind that I’m procrastinating on my homework. I don’t even look forward to long weekends because they’re filled with projects and assignments. I feel so incredibly overwhelmed, I just want to cry all the time. My childhood is being wasted. I don’t even have the time to get a part time job. I’m also incredibly groggy all the time because I haven’t been getting much sleep. Too many times I’ve been stuck in front of a computer screen till four in the morning and I’ve had just about enough. Teachers have to seriously rethink the amount of homework they’re giving us. I don’t even want to go to college or university anymore. I’ve completely lost my motivation. I find myself more often not completing my homework because I’m too physically stressed out to concentrate on it. I’ve been going through serious depressions because of it. I hate it with a passion. Most of the homework teachers give us is completely pointless and sometimes even unreasonable. Most of it doesn’t increase my learning at all, it just makes me more frustrated. *sigh* I’m losing myself to homework, I’ve becoming a depressed and emotionally unstable person lol. I need help or atleast one day off, just one. I’m too young for this, I feel like and old person lol. I know I should feel privileged to have such a goo education, but it’s hard when you only have an hour a day to really do the things you love. I don’t mean to complain so much, but I’m miserable here. At least I know I’m not the only one going through it lol
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I hear ya. I’m also in grade 10 and I can truly say that homework is seriously affecting my health. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I have absolutely no social life after school and I pretty much never get to do the things I love anymore. Almost every night I’m stuck with hours upon hours of homework. Some nights I can have up to 10 hours of homework!! On more than one occasion I’ve been up to six o’clock in the morning doing homework. It takes me forever because I’m an extreme perfectionist, I have trouble concentrating, have a hard time with writer’s block and for the most part just want good grades. But really, is good grades really worth my sanity? Almost everyday now I find myself crying over my homework. I used to be a cheerful, happy, optimistic person who always laughed, but now it seems I have nothing to look forward to. I get up at six, go to school for six hours and then end up with seven hours or more of homework. It’s making me miserable and I’m finding myself more impatient with everyone around me because of it. I’ve been having severe nervous breakdowns and I even get physically sick. If I spend one moment doing something I love, I can’t even enjoy it because I know in the back of my mind that I’m procrastinating on my homework. I don’t even look forward to long weekends because they’re filled with projects and assignments. I feel so incredibly overwhelmed, I just want to cry all the time. My childhood is being wasted. I don’t even have the time to get a part time job. I’m also incredibly groggy all the time because I haven’t been getting much sleep. Too many times I’ve been stuck in front of a computer screen till four in the morning and I’ve had just about enough. Teachers have to seriously rethink the amount of homework they’re giving us. I don’t even want to go to college or university anymore. I’ve completely lost my motivation. I find myself more often not completing my homework because I’m too physically stressed out to concentrate on it. I’ve been going through serious depressions because of it. I hate it with a passion. Most of the homework teachers give us is completely pointless and sometimes even unreasonable. Most of it doesn’t increase my learning at all, it just makes me more frustrated. *sigh* I’m losing myself to homework, I’ve becoming a depressed and emotionally unstable person lol. I need help or atleast one day off, just one. I’m too young for this, I feel like and old person lol. I know I should feel privileged to have such a goo education, but it’s hard when you only have an hour a day to really do the things you love. I don’t mean to complain so much, but I’m miserable here. I’m not saying I hate school, just the homework part. I’m trying to be more positive about all this… I need to be unless I want to lose my sanity completely lol. Anyway… peace love joy and happiness…all you need is love and always look on the bright side of life 🙂 … sorry I’ve been ranting on for so long….
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Empathy! I get serious writer’s block too–the saddest part is I really like all the stuff we read in english, and all I end up remembering is how hard the essays were for me and how embarrassed/sad I was that most of the stuff I turned in was late. The whole educational system needs a serious overhaul.
I do also want to comment on the post left by ‘Sarah,’ #13. I disagree with your assertion that the blame rests mostly on the students. It is true that some teachers are amazing and great–I’m taking classes from a few right now–and it’s true that some students are overachievers. However, there are also many teachers who may know about their subject but know nothing about how to teach, and I think lots of students think they NEED A’s and B’s because that’s what’s expected of them, from the community and from their parents. When one letter is used to sum up a semester’s worth of experience in a class, and kids are taught that college and good jobs and therefore happiness rides on those little letters, students feel like they have no choice. In my carpool once I had the opportunity to hear the other kid receive half and hour’s worth of a comprehensive, vituperative dressing-down from his mother for receiving a B on his quarter grade in history. Is it the kid’s fault because he didn’t ‘settle for a B or a C’ if he has a homework crunch next quarter?
Yes, the teachers and schools and parents also get caught in this ‘grade trap’ too, the blame can’t be laid on any one party. But that means we have to work together to change this stuff, not sit around and say ‘its their fault, it’s their fault, I’m not a part of this.’
Yes, we should absolutely be grateful for the opportunities we have–I have watched my friend who changed schools when her mom went back to law school slowly lose her love and excitement for learning and become cynical and hardened, and it kills me by inches because I know how much joy she used to get from school. But just because we don’t have one set of problems doesn’t mean our lives are perfect or there’s something wrong with us if they aren’t–neither money nor opportunities buy happiness, and if you’re worn down emotionally, psychologically and physically like some students are, you’re in no position to truly take advantage of those opportunities. The fact that some people have cancer is not a reason to refuse medication and disparage researching treatments for diabetes or hepatitis. There are serious problems with our education system for kids of all ‘levels of privilege,’ and I think that the fact that these problems occur across the whole spectrum should be a clear message that something has to change.
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I agree with you so much. Right now I am a sophomore at a magnet school. There’s only one AP class offered right now for sophomore year so I took it to see what AP is like, plus I took all the honors (Chemistry, Spanish III, English II, Algebra II), and of course, taking my program area classes. Plus, I have to stay after school on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for club meetings. When I get home, I feel really exhausted but I know I just have to do my homework. I spend between 4 and 7 hours a day on homework. Don’t get me wrong, I love school too, but this is just too much. I barely see my best friends, my friends and I miss out activities that I loved to do so much like swimming, working out at the gym and going to concerts. Plus, I have to babysit kids over the weekend. My mom keeps saying that it was my choice to attend this school and she’s right, I decided I wanted to go to this school, but I never expected that this school could ruin my health so much (not just physically, but mentally and socially). I also lost my motivation to go to college, cause I know it would also be hard.
I also know we are kind of spoiled cause we have so much information to learn that other countries can’t get. We have this big advantage to use all this info. But sometimes, to me, it feels as if teachers are teaching me nothing and they just give you the textbook, then expect you to learn it all by yourself, even if you have trouble with it, and you can’t ask for help, cause the next day you have a test on it.
Obviously if we didn’t have any homework, it would make everyone lazy and no one would learn anything. That is true, but teachers cramming us with so much homework just feels like torture, cause in the end you feel like you’re ready to die or to shoot yourself.
I agree with you, 100%, and I do think that this needs to change.
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Great post, Lidia:
You write: “Obviously if we didn’t have any homework, it would make everyone lazy and no one would learn anything.”
Not necessarily. Although it sure looks that way sometimes, doesn’t it? I introduced my daughter to three John Steinbeck books and some other classics this summer she’d never covered in class.
The sad thing about your statement is that some educators actually think that. That if it’s not forced, the kids will never learn a single thing. That’s a misconception but nurturing a life long learner begins at an early age.
That is why I have been outspoken about homework. Because it limited learning rather than enhanced it. If my daughter, after a long day at school, chooses to read Wuthering Heights in 5th grade and write a novel, let her. Don’t make her stop. If you do, you are sending the message it’s not okay to read high quality literature or write elegantly and well. Unless it’s assigned. Let’s stop and think. Is that the outcome we really want?
My daughter attends a selective magnet high school too. When I see students who get top grades, check off every to do box on the way to success, load up on extra curriculars, but I don’t see a spark, I don’t see them reading for pleasure, I see them tired and burned out, I have the answer to my question. Yes, apparently that is the outcome we wanted.
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Lidia, take good care of yourself, and as hard as it is at these kinds of schools, do try to get as much sleep as possible.
And no need to apologize, lest someone write you off as whiny. My daughter likes her school too. And that’s a testament to how serious and earnest you two are. You love your school. You don’t want to be worked to death. The two should not be mutually exclusive. You and my child should not have to pay such a steep price in order to attend a school you like that challenges your abilities.
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I’m reading Jess and Lidia. I missed this earlier thread. We keep being told by educators that homework in the younger years prepares kids to do well in middle school. Then a sharp rise in homework amount is justified by telling us, it will help your children adjust to high school. And in high school the students are led to believe that if they don’t sleep and take a plethora of APs, they will be completely prepared for college.
But we’re completely missing something here. I like to say, we are killing our children in order to save them. In order to prepare them for the rigors of college, we have stolen their childhood. In that marvelous film, an expert says that elementary school children are worrying about high school. Yet childhood wonder and imagination are two of the most seminal ingredients our children need for success in college and in life! We have completely narrowed the definition of success.
Listen to these hardworking high achieving students on this thread. And one common theme that runs through their sentiments is a loss of desire to go to college. Yes, they will go. But if you burn out a child at sixteen, you are doing significant damage to their dreams and work ethic.
I see this with my own child on college tours. She used to be so enthusiastic, she had so many lofty dreams, she is so talented and creative. She is also ADD so homework has had its share of challenges for her, not cognitive, but juggling that immense homework load.
She wanted to be an engineer. She would be amazing at it. I’ve always known she’s had this talent. Now she’s shying away. So what?, you ask, she can pick another path. That’s not the point. At each college we visit, she asks me hesitantly, will it be too much work?
She was so strong in math. I really question whether we should have halted the two year ahead math track because she doesn’t like math so much anymore. That was not the goal! And it wasn’t the cognitive aspect that turned her off, it was the fifty math problems a night. Had it been rigor and challenge without overload, she’d be in a very different place now. Yea, yea, I know college will be rigorous. But you don’t have to duplicate college in 9th grade! Allow kids to grow and mature on a natural timeline and they’ll knock our socks off with what they can do. Rush through the stages and your child will regress.
So much for all that preparation. In contrast, homeschooled students we know enter college with zest and vigor. They are so excited to take on this new challenge. And you know what? They do remarkably well. We know a few girls who were unschooled for most of their lives and then entered community college in lieu of high school. They got into top universities and never experienced all that childhood burnout. They are tearing down the door to learn and college professors we know love students like these, who come to class wanting to learn and hungry to soak up as much as they can.
One homeschool mom told me just the other day, my daughter has come out of her K-12 academic journey with an unbridled love of learning. How many schooled teens can lay claim to the same ethos?
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Thanks for the advice, Homework Blues. I do try to get in bed by the latest 9:30 because I have to wake up at 5:30 the next morning, and catch my bus.
I still can’t believe myself I had to cancel my date with my boyfriend cause of all the load of homework I have.
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To the people that are saying we should be happy with B’s and C’s-I am happy with those grades if I tried my best and learned something, but colleges aren’t.
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Anonymous, I hear you. When I mention how many hours of homework it takes, some on this blog blame the student. Oh, you’re such a perfectionist! If you weren’t always gunning for that A, you’d have a life.
For the record, no, my daughter is not shooting for all A’s, that would be impossible, she’d be up all night She tries to get as much done as possible, she is deliberate, thorough and creative so it takes a while and we have taught her to blow off lesser assignments. She has to. Same argument, she’d be up all night. She resists but she’s learned, better to hyper-focus on major assignments than to always be doing a little bit of a whole lot. An education that is a mile long and an inch deep so the student feels she’s working all the time but not learning very much in the bargain.
But as you say, she takes a hit. Those lower grades do show up on her transcript. We’ve always promoted learning in this household anyway. An over-obsession with grades leads to the classic, can’t see the forest for the trees.
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Anonymous- Yes colleges are not happy with B’s and C’s. However, if these grades are based upon incompletion of homework and not mastery of the subject, we need to rethink our grading policies in high school. One more thought….no one ever really masters a subject. I have re-read some of the classics I was assigned in college. In my twenties, these books didn’t resonate with me because I lacked the maturity and life experience to understand their grand themes. Today, colleges and universities are geared towards preparing students for “real life.” Ironic since only real life can prepare you for real life.
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I am 25 right now. I dropped out of my second year of high school, and actually home schooled myself due to the intense stress. It started in middle school, it’s true — We would have, no exaggeration, an easy 8 hours of homework every night. This only got worse as I proceeded towards high school. I went from a straight A student to a nearly straight F student, and all during those crucial years that really make your question your self worth, and self esteem.
After dropping out, I earned a high school diploma on my own — In only two years, and with a 90% grade point average. Not bad, really. I’m happy I was able to prove all the teachers who called me “lazy” and “stupid” wrong.
Was I able to go to a top university? No, of course not, I had to “settle” with community college. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I was near suicidal in “traditional” schooling.
The bigger issue at hand, and maybe not everyone here will agree with me — But these intense high school requirements are not, at all, preparing you for college. Matter of fact, I very thoroughly believe that high school is a lot more difficult, and harder on a student compared to college. There are no hours of useless homework or studying, simply the student doing the work they feel is necessary to learn and succeed with. When I’m no longer interested in a certain topic, it’s an easy option to cease investigation. I haven’t had a failing grade in any subject since leaving high school. I don’t see college to be as demanding at all.
Which, also, brings up another topic — A lot of these elitist colleges expect straight A’s, that part is true. The part that isn’t true is the fact that a college diploma ensures gainful employment. Many people assume it guarantees it. It doesn’t. I have many friends who either have, or went back to school for masters degrees, and they *still* cannot land a steady, good job. Many of them have opted for careers in retail, something they didn’t even need college for at all. At 25 I should know people who are starting real careers — I don’t. Many of these kids have bachelor’s degrees and yet they live at home with their parents scratching their head and wondering why they can’t get a “real” job even when they followed all the “rules” and completed college.
A diploma isn’t always enough. Sometimes it’s who you know, or how well you really know your field outside of college work — However, more often, it’s neither of these. Competition has gotten so thick, and so many (essentially all) students achieve a bachelor’s degree that they begin looking for even higher education beyond that. When will it stop? Will you have to be in college until your mid-30’s, and as the standards raise, the more schooling is expected? Or will there be a reversal where employers will have to look BEYOND the certificate and find people who may not have had the best grades, but are really passionate about their work? Because, right now, a masters isn’t enough — At least not in NYC. A masters has just become a standard. It’s scary.
All in all, it becomes frustrating. I am relieved to say that I feel I’m above the mentality that college is the biggest factor in landing a career. Determination and ability show through, at least, eventually. I definitely support college to learn whatever, well, you’re interested in learning! I’m quite happy to have my degree in journalism. It’s what I always wanted. I will never, however, mistake that for job security. I have seen way too many people raised on this belief only to later fall on their face after college and feel puzzled as to where they went wrong.
Education is so important, but I think it’s more important that the student actually enjoys it, and realizes that it isn’t the end of world if they’re not perfect.
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It’s 3:56am. I still have another history essay to write, and two summaries to write for English. Luckily I finished all my other subjects.
I’m a high-achieving (Ranked in the Top 2% of Class) Junior in a public high school, and this is a normal night for me.
The pressures are incredibly intense. Every period of my school day, aside from lunch and PE, are honors or AP, and I get plenty of homework from them. My main issue is undoubtedly homework. Originally, up through about freshman year, I maintained myself and had good study habits; I worked through all the homework, rigorous as it was. However, through sophomore year to now, school has just knocked me down. I score highly on tests, essays, and basically any other in class assignment. It’s not like I’m just a good test taker; I have very little trouble writing well or supporting my own opinions. My averages are deflated, however, in classes that give large amounts of homework. It’s ridiculous. History is by far the worst. Essay after essay and project after project that are completely irrelevant from the tests are given regularly. I’m forced to hand in projects and papers late, at the cost of several points. My homework average is lower than my test scores. In English, my essay average is about 8-10% higher than my homework average. I’ve been forced to cut corners, and even then, homework is my downfall.
I’m far from inept or stupid; I’d be willing to go as far as to say that I feel I am among the gifted fraction of students. It’s just the stress and organization of the current school system that brings me down. It saps my motivation. Sometimes I find myself unwilling to do assignments or simply doing them poorly. I am positive I have the capacity to do each individual assignment very well, but when all are piled on at once in a never ending sequence with no time and no sleep, I suffer. The worst part is that at least half the classes I take I have no use for, and take solely for the fact honors weight classes look good on college applications. So not only am I wasting my time with homework, but I am also slaving away toward an effort that is essentially useless for me anyway. The culmination of all these factors is simple: reduced motivation, increased stress and damage to both physical and mental health. I’ve been getting sick very often lately, and even my doctor has told me to get more sleep and stop with the stress. The school system does not care, and teachers teach by telling kids to work themselves.
Also, whoever mentions that it would be better to simply settle for a B or C does not understand the situation. For one, colleges are already competitive enough and while I would be healthier in every sense of the word if I stopped with the homework, my grades would plummet and I would not be able to get into my ideal schools. The main thing, is that it isn’t that I can’t get A’s. If the limit of my ability was a C+, I would accept it. The problem is that I can get A’s. Every one of my classes by itself is not extraordinarily difficult based on its tests, but by the homework given by each, and total volume of effort needed for every class together impedes me, which lowers my averages in them all. Teachers, especially those who teach honors and AP, notice students have the drive to do basically anything to get A’s – so they give them work and have them teach themselves. To add to that, they are ignorant of the fact that their class is not the only one in the building. They give workloads that are barely tolerable on their own, but are pure hell when added into everything else. I have no time for friends, family, or anything other than school. I’ve been forced to drop karate classes and basically anything else that shows sign of a childhood.
So now, to be direct, I have to go back to homework at this late hour, and then get up at 6:30. I think that’s why I have not grown at all in 3 years, at the point in my life when I should be having spurts – no sleep from school. Oh, and the best part! I have homework to do this Thanksgiving weekend, while I deal with family matters and such; also, my close uncle is in the hospital, but I haven’t seen him yet and I probably won’t until Friday or Saturday – late Thursday is everything goes perfectly. Things never go perfectly.
Still, if this is high school, what is college? A career? I’ll be dead by the time I’m 40 at this rate.
Best part of my life? Just go. Get away from me. Don’t even think that.
Sorry if I was too long; I know I rambled and probably repeated points, but I needed a rant.
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My child is in Grade 3 and I want to make certain that her story does not end like the last two commentors.
When I read your story, Knocked Down, all I can think is …where are your parents? Why are they not shutting this down? I feel a parent has a responsibility to protect their child from unfair labour practices. If you had a job and were working these hours, wouldn’t they be concerned? Why is it different just because it’s schoolwork?
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Knocked Down, I really want to read your entire comment. I’m sorry, I couldn’t today, I began and it made me so so sad. I fell asleep last night and woke up at 3am to find my daughter still up. I don’t allow her to stay up late so she prays I’ll fall asleep and then she sneaks in the rest of her work. And people would call this kid lazy.
I hear you. My sympathies are with you. I’ll read your comment soon and offer some hope and suggestions.
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PsychMom, I’m that parent. I DON’T allow her to stay up. I make her go to bed. Yes, it means reduced grades. Yes, it means she won’t get into her dream college. She takes less APs than other kids at her school. When the parents ask, I tell them we are all about depth, that it’s quality, not quantity. If you put it eloquently, people will listen.
I sometimes fall asleep like last night. Usually I’m up and making her go to bed. I don’t care. Her health and well being are more important. Sadly, I’m in the minority on this at the school.
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I know you’re in the minority HWB, because from what I’m hearing and reading about many parents today, they see these slaving kids as successful and the model to which other kids should aspire.
I’m wondering HomeworkBlues, if you could go back in your daughter’s life, do you think there was any way to have changed how she reacts to school work? Is there a way to instill the idea of self protection that says, “I don’t sacrifice sleep for this stuff”….
Is there a middle ground parents can take that says “education is important” without giving the impression that they must do everything that’s told to them? I would agree that talking about schooling with our children as if it’s something to be ignored is probably not the way to go, but it’s hard to give SO much importance to it (and respect) if we think we’re setting them up for stress, anxiety and exhaustion.
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PsychMom, you asked about my parents and their stance on the matter. They have always supported me, and have sometimes told me to settle for a lower grade. They hate it as much as I do. The work keeps me locked up in my room all day. Also, once or twice a month they allow me to cut school so I can catch up on missed work – it’s more of a necessity than a gift.
Still, while they agree that homework does more harm they good, they also see it as a necessary evil, and I am made to do it. I won’t lie, I take many breaks while working, and if my Dad comes into my room and sees me talking with friends online, he will get angry. His opinion is primarily that if I came home, went right to work and did it non-stop, I would be able to get a closer to satisfactory amount of sleep each night.
That’s almost true; I usually get home at about 4pm, and if I worked non-stop, including time for dinner and small household chores, I would probably be in bed at about 10-11pm each night. At the expense of the small fragment of a life I have left.
There’s a saying/rhetorical question that goes around between honors students: “Of these three things, you may only choose two: Good Grades, Sleep and a Life. Which two do you want?”
It’s almost the truth.. If I sacrificed my life completely, I’d still only get 7-8 of my recommended 9-10 hours of sleep a night.
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I think being happy is more important than a dream college. College doesn’t guarantee a career, after all. I’d rather go to an average college close to home then to some fancy far-away dream college. In the end the job you obtain will boil down to your ability and determination, not what college you went to.
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That’s very true….for the most part, which school you went to makes no difference once you are in a job and have some experience. It’s what you know that becomes more important.
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We started hearing that line as soon as my daughter got accepted. The staff thought it was funny too, It’s oft repeated, it’s a mantra.
“Grades, Friends, Sleep. Pick two.”
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Wow. We really need to change homework in America…
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AGREED Thank you so much for putting this I agree with every blessed thing on here
I am a sophomore too and have a social life for a whole 3 minutes inbetween classes and get sick from not sleeping and I study 24/7 its rediculous and my grades still are not A’s because during the tests we get SUPRISED!!!!
I hate school and teachers who dont understand and we get like 7 tests a day sometimes and teachers say they talk…Definitely not about the truely important things instead there husbands/wives or what there eating for dinner….
Thank You again and if we lived close I swear we would be BEST FRIENDS!!!!
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I have had my galbladder out and have constant stomach pains and ulcers now because of how sick I made myself stressing about grades it ruined me please I wouldnt wish this on anyone
Thank You for your Article
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I guess I am glad I skipped high school…I am now in my final semester at USC, which, I guess isn’t that prestigious, but it’s not that bad of a school I’m told [I don’t really follow these things, USC just happened to be close to home].
Sounds like high school entails far more work then college. Not that there is all that much learning going on here, but I think the freedom will increase exponentially. If this is the norm in high school, it is a wonder the normal course load isn’t 32 units instead of 16 in college…
You are probably better off dropping out of such a system and going to a community college for a year or two, and then transferring into a big school [2/3 of your education is bull**** GE coursework no matter where you go].
High school, as an educational institution is completely worthless from an educational viewpoint I believe. I gave a speech on the matter a few years ago in a public speaking [honors level] course, and convinced my professor to have her daughter skip high school. It is, from what I can tell, only a detriment to students, never a benefit. All of the most talented, most intelligent people I’ve met in my life [who are under 30]. seem to have skipped or dropped out of high school. I think that alone speaks volumes.
Good luck to anyone who chooses to stick with it. I think I understand all the partying that goes on at college now [I myself dislike them, but most students here spend more time partying than studying]. Don’t hate college though, it gets far, far easier.
If you REALLY want to get ahead, drop out of high school, and start doing internships. You’ll be making several times what your college-bound cohorts are at the same age. A good company will get you into, and pay for high education if you prove yourself a valuable asset.
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Anonymous I appreciate your message but wonder, Do people who are 15 and 16 years old get internships? I can understand homeschooling and taking college courses but I would think you have to be a pretty ambitious go-getter to get into the world of work at 15…
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PsychMom: Yes, teens can and do get internships. Some schools help kids get them and some get them on their own.
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i don’t understand why you are forced to go to school
i mean, primary school is fine, you may hate it but it is easy and gives you a basic education
but in high school, when you start to form your own views on life, you are still forced to go to school no matter what. its like our opinions don’t matter or something just because we aren’t legally ‘adults’
most of the stuff i’ve learnt i learned was from home or elsewhere and i rarely do any of my homework or assignments so really, to me, school has no significance apart from the fact that i go there everyday.
shouldn’t there be some kind of consent form that asks your permission to be ordered around by uptight pricks (teachers) all day long. most kids just accept that they are being ordered around by complete strangers all day. i mean seriously, COMPLETE STRANGERS, people we’ve never met before and don’t even know telling us what to do and what to say and where to go. ITS CRAZY!!!! Think about it! it really is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sorry, not all teachers are uptight pricks
some are awesome
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but they are complete strangers
STRANGERS!
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I’m traveling so just quickly checking in. On the post regarding skipping high school for college, this actually makes a lot of sense. I’ll elaborate on this further when I return.
This approach has been really picking up steam for 2e kids, in particular. Skipping high school is a an amazing option particularly for students who are very academically advanced but don’t want to put up with the crushing often useless homework of high school. It’s a wonderful option. It doesn’t mean you send your 13 year old off to college. You can also choose to do this as part of a homeschool package and then send your kid off, if she wants, at age 15. The reason it works for 2kids is, school presents two options: worked to death or bored to death. If you skip high school in lieu of college, you can take your time. Keep the challenge but take fewer courses. It’s the workload that’s crushing, not the content. After four years of this, you’re still ahead of your high school peers because you’ve already done college. It eliminates the pressure of high school where kids juggle seven courses, are dangerously sleep deprived and can really burn out by graduation.,
This makes so much sense, I am surprised more parents don’t think of it. I believe it’s because institutional schooling is so ingrained, that people are still frightened to choose an alternate path.
My friend who did this was asked, but what about the high school prom? She laughed. She wasn’t about to trade a magical lifestyle where her son got all the sleep his body needed but still managed to be a good four years ahead in math, for a….PROM!
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Albert Einstein said that the one thing left to do after public education is educate yourself. This is completely true. Institutionalized education is brainwashing our children. I attend a public religious school in Europe and the amount of homework we have every night is phenomenal. School starts at 9.00 and finishes at six, afterwards, I could have up to six hours homework (including study). This is absolutely ridiculous, I am 16 years old. Nobody, anywhere, should have to do this amount of work a day. Children today are so over-scheduled that they do not know how to think properly anymore.
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If you don’t like it then stop. If you don’t want to stop, then stop complaining. It’s life, it’s not fair, but I think you must have a lot of free time writing that big story out. 6 hours of homework? You must be joking, so stop with the exaggerations. Nobody gets that much homework, honestly. If you do, switch schools.
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Jasmin, lots and lots of teens actually do get that much homework. It’s unhealthy, it’s unkind, it’s ridiculous, it’s insane. If you or your child does not, great. Fine. Enjoy.
No, I would not advise people to stop complaining. Complaining is the first step towards recognizing there’s a problem. Complacency doesn’t move a thing. But don’t stop at complaining. ACT!
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hhhg
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I went to a college prep school in high school. My parents got me a scolarship because we were middle class and that was the only way we could afford it. I had to keep my grades up to keep the scolarship, so I was up until early in the morning (2 or 3 am) every night doing my schoolwork. I made all A’s and B’s in high school. I was an all A’s student before that, but I was up so late that I couldn’t pay attention in class. I used to love school and learning. Excessive homework changed that; by the end of 9th grade, school was just something to be endured. I’m a Freshman in college now, but I seriously considered not going to college because I was so burned out and it was all just so hard and I didn’t want to do it any more. I like college better than high school. At least the assignments have a purpose and aren’t just busy work assigned by incompetent teachers.
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Somehow 6 hours seems a bit exaggerated, however it is possible. When I asked one of my classmates how much it took her to complete a project, she told me that it was about 40 minutes for her. I did it in 3 hours… and mine wasn’t even half as good. I literally gave up on homework. I didn’t do any of them. Well I did some but very rarely and only the important ones. I’m in high-school right now and the next year will be my last. My grades in this year were… pathetic. But I don’t care and I think neither should you. I’m going to force myself to learn at-least something next year. To be honest I didn’t learn anything in high-school yet, anything. I only used my knowledge that I got before. I really believe that school doesn’t teach us anything. Honestly the only place I used my knowledge gained from school is school itself during tests and that’s it. I’m not dumb, I know a lot maybe not those usual useless facts that are being though but still. I am afraid of my future however as I don’t see myself anywhere in this society of ours. I’m start to shake just thinking about University but its the only possible way. I’m afraid I won’t be able to learn anymore. Just a example I want to name. Books- they are created for our enjoyment, much like PC’s and TV’s right? Then why oh why do I hate reading so much? The answer is school. It just forces us to read and since I’m stubborn I resist it. I hated reading. Then after reading about 4 books chosen by myself I actually found out I enjoy reading. But every-time I pick up a book which is in the school program I literally die of boredom.
Self education is the way to go. I learned English through PC and German through TV. My first language is Russian which I know fine and Ukrainian that I practice every Summer vacation. And you know whats funny? The first language I am being taught at school I already started to forget. I can barely speak Latvian anymore. I’m probably weird but I surely know I’m not the only one like this.
Sorry for the negativity. And sorry if my English isn’t very fluid I am quite far from any English speaking country.
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